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Today, simple and short. A few snappy responses to stupid statements. I can’t actually vouch for their wit.

That was a complete shot in the dark.

I used night vision.


There’s still time for this train to go off the rails.

Yeah, but we’re on it…


And what would be the statistical probability of you shutting the fuck up?


Yeah, the density of the sun’s got nothing on you or this conversation.


Do you always assume you’re the smartest person in the room?

Depends. Are you in the room?

Thoughts: Nothing deep or spectacular. Just wanted to put together some excessively witty responses that I think of after conversations that, for some reason, never come up during the actual exchange.