Another Monday, another writing sample. This one’s from… well, nowhere, actually. It certainly doesn’t fit the Dark Masters universe, because it references events and things that only exist in our world.

The following passage is a first pass. There hasn’t been any editing for flow or content. No grammar corrections, nothing.

WARNING: Topic Material is Definitely not Age Appropriate. Mature content. And, by mature, I mean not for anyone who’s, you know, under 14, because these are the types of conversations that happen in high school and even younger, no matter what anyone thinks.

Without any more preamble:


“You know that calc test I was telling you about?”

Tobias nodded. “Let me guess, you raped it?”

Gavin paused for a moment. “Rape it? No, not really. I only got a 91. But I definitely had sex with it. Sweet, passionate love.” He brightened. “Hey, you think that would make a good Facebook status?”

Emma hit him on the head.

“So,” said Gavin, “I’m thinking, no. Right?”

“Yeah,” agreed Emma. “I think: NO!”

Gavin grinned at me and Tobias.

“What even makes you think this is a good plan?”

“It could have been worse,” said Gavin. “I could have had your mom instead. She fucking hot.”

Emma glared at her boyfriend. Mary blanched silently, the color leaving her face. You didn’t didn’t say stuff like that in front of her. Emma and Gavin were always arguing about “your mother” jokes. She didn’t like them and the guys couldn’t stop. Of course, around Mrs. Dorrance, he was always respectful and polite. She was quite taken with him, always dotting on him, very matronly and affectionate. I had always watched from a distance, keeping myself apart. I was the best friend of her daughters boyfriend, and good friend to her other daughter. That was how she appeared to see me, and that was how I preferred to keep it.

“Excuse me?” growled Emma.

“Yeah, you only older. She smoking hot. And those tits. Have you ever stared at her boobs? I mean, yours are great. But have you seen your mothers? They are,” he made a sweeping motion with his hands, “HUGE!! And those lips…”

An image popped into my head of the twins mother. She was probably in her fifties, with a hint of silver in her otherwise, red and strawberry blonde hair. She had on one of her turtlenecked sweaters and she was leaning over the oven to take out some freshly backed gingersnap candies. Her breasts were straining to get out.

Emma turned to me. “A little help here?”

I shook my head. Then shrugged apologetically. “He’s right. On the other hand,” I tacked on hastily at her and Mary’s looks, “I suppose it means you’ll still look amazing in 35 year. Isn’t that supposed to be a compliment?”

The rest of my head was spinning. In this conversation, I was a guy. That meant, despite the obvious, there was something in the way Gavin spoke. I ran my eyes up and down him, watching him thoughtfully. Mary was too busy blushing and Emma too busy berating that neither noticed my curiosity.

Mary and Emma walked ahead of us as we chanced down the street with no particular aim in mind. Quietly, I pulled Gavin back. In the busy streets of center city it wasn’t really all that hard.

“Gavin,” I spoke softly. “Tell me you weren’t serious.”

He blink at me, perfect innocence.


“Tell me I didn’t mishear what you just said.” I tried not to hiss. Hissing always aroused too much attention. Never the good kind.

His brow furrowed slightly as he frowned in consideration.

“Holy shit,” I whispered. “You were. You did.”

And that was the conversation. Someway, somehow, he had. Shaking my head, I walked by his side. I would never mention it again but I would know. Some things you don’t talk about among friends, even if everyone already knows it. That’s why I was his best friend and he was mine. We would never talk. Ever.

Thoughts: I like this exchange. Not every moment between characters is nice or politically correct. Often, in the moments of friendship, brash, crude comments are made and no one thinks anything more of it.

I mean, certain events have the ring of improbability but if they had happened, it wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’ve ever heard of.

This conversation is something that I can easily picture happening in between teenagers. I suppose there’s an argument that this is a bit crude, but that’s also the point. These are the types of exchanges that happen between young adults. And, certainly, this would not be all that uncommon among people that I knew in college. In short, it’s really just a moment where friends are comfortable enough around one another to make inappropriate comments. Yes, it’s a bit sexist, but these exchanges often are, even without meaning to be.

I feel like I’m walking in circles trying to defend a moment that shouldn’t need defending. So, never mind everything else.